When the "Baby Blues" Strikes Dads

Sex therapist and relationship counselor Ian Kerner, PhD recently wrote about his own experience of depression after the birth of his first son in this article. He very astutely points out that for him, as well as for many new dads experiencing depression, he turned to the liquor cabinet as way of coping. Alcohol, being a depressant itself, further exacerbates depressive symptoms.

Kerner also lists other warning signs to look out for if a new dad you know seems to be struggling to cope with the transition to parenthood, including: changes in libido, putting up a good front, isolating himself, difficulties sleeping (even when feeling tired), family history of depression, or self-medicating. I would also note that the term "self-medicating" often refers to drugs or alcohol, but in some men, could also mean food, internet, or pornography.

When the "Home Game" Isn't Dad's "A Game"

I heard Michael Lewis, author of "Home Game," interviewed on Charlie Rose today. While a number of women have come forward about their feelings of numbness after the birth of their children (Brooke Shields, most notably, comes to mind), men have been virtually silent on the issue. It was so refreshing to hear this interview where Lewis confesses, despite the social pressure to remain silent, that he did not feel instant love for his newborn. He shares how he eventually came to love his baby, but only after the fog of sleep deprivation and new parent anxiety lifted. An important new book has arrived just in time for Father's Day.

Sometimes You Just Need to Sleep it Off

I read this article in the Globe and Mail about getting sleep with a new baby. Sometimes the best medicine requires you to forget what you read in all those well-intentioned sleep books and just use your intuition about what's right for you and your family. (Full disclosure: my own 4 month-old is asleep on the couch in the other room as I write this entry. Never wake a sleeping baby, right?)

Here's to a good night's sleep for everybody!

How to Be a Supportive Partner to a Person with a Mood Disorder

Jon (whose wife Heather writes the very popular "Dooce" blog) wrote an insightful post about how he's learned to care for himself and his family when depression tries to get the best of Heather (and in turn, the rest of their family). His story is a must-read for partners who want to be supportive but aren't sure how best to go about it.

The latest on PPMD research

The July 31 issue of Neuron reported some promising news for PPMD treatment. I'll do my best to put the researcher's findings in lay terms.

The researchers found (in mice) that when the brain has dysregulated levels of GABA receptors, mice showed more signs of anxiety and depression after birth and had a higher pup mortality rate. When the mice were treated with Gaboxadol, a drug originally designed to treat sleep disorders, the GABA-recptor-affected mice had fewer PPMD-like symptoms, as with those mice with well-regulated GABA receptors.

The researchers, thus, believe that (in humans) post-partum mood disorders and potentially premenstrual syndrome and premenstrual dysphoric disorder may be caused by impaired trafficking of GABA receptors, and not by fluctuations in hormonal levels, as previously believed.

Let's hope this latest research brings us one step closer to finding a successful treatment for PPMDs and other health concerns.

Breathing In What You Need, Out What You Don't

I was reminded of a great breathing technique in my yoga class the other day, so I thought I'd share it here. Alternate nostril breathing is easy to do and takes just a minute of your time (though you might end up spending several minutes a day doing it once you get into the rhythm of it.)

Here's how you do it: Place your thumb and ring finger on either side of your nose. Allow your index and middle fingers to rest between your eyebrows. Start by using your ring finger to close one nostril. Breathe through the remaining open nostril. Now, close the nostril with your thumb (the one you just breathed in through), open your ring finger nostril, and breathe out. Repeat the same process, but in reverse, breathing through your ring finger nostril, and exhaling out the thumb side. Simple, yes?

Once you've got the breathing rhythm down, you can add an intention to your breathing. Ask yourself what do I want to let go of, what do I want to make room for? An anti-anxiety intention might involve breathing in self-confidence, breathing out listening to anxiety. An anti-depression intention could feel like breathing in action, breathing out isolation. A sleep-inducing mantra might involve breathing in sleepiness or heaviness, breathing out restlessness. Breathing in messiness and exhaling perfectionism could fit for someone struggling with obsessive-compulsive disorder. You can tailor your intention to fit your unique challenges of the moment. My never-finished intention for acceptance is to breathe in satisfaction for what I have, breathing out envy for what I don't.

You gotta breathe, right? Alternate nostril breathing can take some of the load off of you, and allow your breathing to give something back.

The Mind-Body Solution

I just took my marriage and family therapy licensing exam today, which reminded me of the importance of being physically well to perform mentally well. During the days leading up to my exam, I took great care to get lots of rest, limit my caffeine intake, drink lots of water, eat healthfully, and make time for exercise. Truly, it's the lifestyle I should lead EVERY week, but today I really did notice a difference. In the past, I've experienced horrible test anxiety, but today I felt a great deal of calm. I sensed I'd prepared myself both physically and mentally well for the test, and I left the testing center feeling I'd done my best. Now, I'll have to wait for my scores to confirm how I did exactly, but for now I feel at peace that my physical and mental preparation kept test anxiety from pestering me today.

Reducing Your Anxiety Footprint

What I like about the information campaign to reduce one's carbon footprint is how they give practical examples of life changes one can make to help the planet. I'd like to share some practical examples that others have taught me on how to reduce one's "anxiety footprint", if you will. Not all of these behavior changes will work for everyone, but you might find one in there that helps reduce the anxiety we carry.

1. Reduce Your Caffeine Consumption. Sounds easy enough, I know, but, man, is it hard to live out. Personally, I lean toward the weaning method. Drink 3 cups of coffee in the morning? Try 2. Grind your own half-caff blend at home, or order it from your coffee shop. Make every third soda pop of the caffeine-free variety. Switching from coffee to black tea will also deliver a smaller jolt. I'm sure there are countless other ways to decrease your caffeine intake.

2. Stay Busy. Again, this one sounds simple but can be harder to manifest. One tried and true way is to join a group. I've known people who have enjoyed great breaks from anxiety by joining running groups or other organized sports. Others have signed up for classes or tried new hobbies in an effort to quiet anxiety. While others I know have simply written activities for themselves in their calendars, like taking a walk, going to a museum, play, or movie, or writing letters to far-off friends or relatives as a way to provide structure to their days. Idle time too often nurtures unwelcome anxiety.

3. Go to Sleep. Anxiety loves to pester a tired mind. We are simply more susceptible to its influence when we have fewer mental reserves. And at no time are our reserves at their lowest than when we are tired. I know the pharmaceutical companies would have you think that sleeping can be solved with a little pill, but I have yet to find a better result than by simply improving one's sleep hygiene. The most basic way to improve sleep hygiene is by maintaining a good sleep schedule. Go to bed at the same time every night, and wake around the same time each morning. Aim for 7-8 hours of sleep per night. And use your bed for sleeping--not email, not snacking, not talking on the phone. Sleeping (okay, and maybe that other thing, too), but first and foremost: Your Bed is for Sleeping!

Good luck with your own campaign to reduce your "anxiety footprint"!

Catching Up to the Clock

Since it is Spring-Ahead Monday, I just wanted to share a little reminder to go easy on ourselves today, as our bodies and brains try to catch up to the clock. Here are 4 reminders to help us be safe and well this week:

1. Allow yourself extra time to drive where you need to go. Or better yet, walk or take public transit until you feel your reaction time returning.

2. Eat a healthy dinner at least 2 hours before bedtime.

3. Choose a quiet, non-anxiety-inducing activity before bed, like reading, meditation, listening to music, or knitting (unless, of course, you're like me and would consider knitting an anxiety-inducing activity).

4. If possible, try to fit in 20 minutes or more of exercise, preferably in the beginning or middle of the day. Those yogis among us might like to try sun salutations first thing in the morning. Others might like to walk during lunch break, bike to work, or run around the park with your kids. No kids, you say? Then bring a basketball or soccer ball to the park and you are sure to meet some!

Getting Through the Day

The parents in our class at the Parent-Child Center at Seattle Central Community College brainstormed all the things we do to care for ourselves and survive the day. While some suggestions might not work for childless adults (e.g. trading childcare), some ideas might hold water even if you don't care for children (e.g. plan ahead for dinner, get enough sleep).

Here is the list compiled by the parents in our class:

*Make a spread sheet for you and your partner about responsibilities
*Give your partner clear messages about your needs
*Have a cup of tea
*Get enough sleep
*Have books, puzzles for downtime
*Be organized, think ahead
*Make the kids' lunches the night before
*Have structured activities for the kids
*Find an activity your child can do alone (e.g. listen to music)
*Have nutritious food
*Plan ahead for dinner
*Go to the coffee shop
*Get out of the house
*Trade child care
*Take a nap
*Pick one thing to get done during nap
*Take time for yourself during nap
*Trade with partner to go out
*Have time together after child's bed time
*Cocktails at 7 PM
*Kid-friendly happy hour in pubs
*Go to the park or play gym

Online Help for Anxiety

One of the tricky things about anxiety is that it is often an isolating force in our lives, just at the time when we most need connection. One way to connect to anti-anxiety resources without leaving home is the Internet. The Anxiety Disorders Association of America (www.adaa.org) Web site offers tips to help one sleep better (e.g. don't do your bills just before bedtime--listen to soft music or read a book instead), a listing of therapists and support groups in your area, and self-tests for adults, teens, parents, and family members to determine if anxiety is getting in the way of one's daily life.

If you have a favorite anti-anxiety resource, please let me know, and I'll be glad to write about it here.

Sleeping off the Baby Weight

As we all know, getting enough sleep is important for our mood and overall ability to function. Additionally, new research shows that women who get at least seven hours of sleep a night are much more likely to return to their pre-pregnancy weight than women who got only five hours per night. Just another reason to ensure all moms of newborns are getting the sleep they need for good health and well-being.

T. Berry Brazelton: Alive, kicking, and Helping Families Get to Sleep!

I heard T. Berry Brazelton on the radio and was amazed by a. the fact that he's still alive! and b. how well some of his theories about children's development and parenting have held up over time. Much on the minds of parents of infants and toddlers is nurturing their children's healthy sleep habits. Dr. Brazelton's philosophy is that children have the inner resources to sleep well, but they need their parents' coaching to draw on these resources. He advocates that parents go to their children when they wake in the middle of the night, but rather than pick them up, give them a lovey, binky or some other comforting object and sit with them, repeating this mantra until they go back to sleep: You can do it yourself. You can do it yourself. Just listening to him repeat this mantra nearly put me to sleep. I like this idea that sleep is something that children can be taught to do well, but like all skills, it's something that must be learned from an experienced teacher: the child's parents! Cheers to Dr. Brazelton--and a good night's sleep!

Dr. Goodnight--Or How I Learned to Love the Baby and Start Sleeping

We Americans, by and large, do not get enough asleep. How many of us have dragged ourselves out of bed and out the door, fueled by too much caffeine and too little sleep? I, for one, can recall plenty of Monday mornings when my body went into shock at being forced out of bed at what seemed an ungodly hour for a human being to be upright. Now, I must admit, it wasn't that I was waking *that* early. No, my morning stupor was brought on by a weekend of staying up--and sleeping in--much later than my usual weekday schedule. Saturdays and Sundays I felt fine, but by Monday my radical sleep schedule departure had caught up with me.

Fast-forward to today: I'm a parent of a 10 month-old, which usually begs the question: How are you sleeping? In short, well. I usually get up once or twice each night to nurse my daughter. In that sense, my sleep is more "disturbed" than it was in my pre-baby days. But when I look at my sleep hygiene overall, I sleep much better than I used to. Raising my daughter has taught me the importance of good sleep hygiene and its effects on health and disposition. If she's not dressed in jammies and in bed by 8:00, I can expect to deal with a tired and cranky baby the next day. Well, my little apple didn't fall that far from this tree. If I'm not nestled snug in my bed by 10:30, Momzilla emerges from the covers come morning.

Parents of little ones often receive loads of advice about how to improve their child's sleep and--by extension--their own. Less common are the questions about how parenthood has improved (yes, improved!) one's sleep. This is not to say that sleep problems can and do exist for many parents; sleep is a serious issue. I am, however, interested in this notion that parents can be taught lessons about good sleep hygiene by studying children's sleep. Some questions for parents of young children might include: What has your child taught you about the importance of good sleep hygiene? Since becoming parents, which lifestyle changes could serve to improve your sleep practices? What cues do family members give to express fatigue, and who recognizes them? Are there bedtime rituals that have been effective for child/ren that could also be effective for their parents? Recall a morning when you awoke refreshed: what happened during the previous day and night that made that good morning possible? Questions such as these can lead to a discussion of a family's good sleep habits--not just their sleep deficits. Increasing a parent's positive thoughts about sleep and decreasing anxiety over not sleeping well may indeed be the first step toward improving sleep hygiene.

Here's to a glass of warm milk, a good book, some comfy pj's, and a really terrific night's sleep!