Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman: It's time to explode 4 taboos of parenting

I highly recommend this TED talk from the founders of babble.com who (with hilarious charts and graphs) deconstruct much of the "conventional wisdom" of new parenthood, miscarriage, and hanging in there as a couple. Funny, touching, and important. Please share with new or expecting parents.

The Importance of the Postpartum Partner (for Gwyneth Paltrow and Non-Celebs Alike)

While reading this interview with Gwyneth Paltrow in People I realized that there's an all-too-common misconception about Postpartum Mood Disorders: that a person must be crying all the time in order to be diagnosed. Not so! The symptoms are often subtler, yet no less serious. That sense of being "cut off" from one's emotions is a common symptom of PPMDs. And it's often one's partner who notices these sometimes subtle, internal shifts. Sometimes it takes an attuned partner (such as Chris Martin) to know when something sounds a little off in ourselves.

Solstice Self-Care

With the holidays approaching, the worsening financial crisis, the short winter days,and wars both current and percolating, it's easy for anxiety-or even just a case of the blahs--to set in. Here's some ideas for coping during the shortest and darkest days of the year:

1. Be honest with yourself about how you're feeling. No one need "fake it til ya make it" if it feels disingenuous. It's okay to not feel great. It's okay to tell others you don't feel great. It isn't a character flaw. It's being human.

2. Ask yourself: how much room do you want to give anxiety or the "blahs"? Can you ask anxiety or the blahs to leave you alone during a holiday party or a family get-together? Can you excuse yourself for part of the time to just feel the anxiety or the blahs, and then return to the action having allowed anxiety it's due? Can you make a pact with a friend or family member to check in with you to see how you're doing, and perhaps, you can do the same in turn?

3. Make a plan to care for yourself with balanced meals and time to exercise. And think: simple. Gentle stretching or a brisk walk around the neighborhood followed by soup and salad can feel so refreshing on a long winter's evening.

Grateful for New Babies and People Who Help When Life Feels Harder than Necessary

So, I find myself at the confluence of some exciting events. Perhaps this experience rings true for you, too. First off, I've been witnessing a number of friends adding brand new babies to their lives. It's thrilling to see all the anticipation and support come to meet these new little people and the people who will care for them in the days, and weeks, and years to come. Welcome, welcome!

And second, now the holiday season is here where we Seattlites have already braved our first snow storm that snarled traffic for hours and brought commuter's to their wits' ends and even resulted in a few reports of fisticuffs.

Often, we don't realize that we've run out of coping muscle until we're face-to-face with our own unrecognizable selves. We do something or say something or think something that makes us wonder, "How did I get like this? This isn't me!"

Thankfully, help is available. Katherine Stone published on her Postpartum Progress blog a great list of resources for postpartum parents who need mental health care but may not be insured or may be underinsured.

Here in Seattle, the Seattle Crisis Directory publishes a great list of free or low-cost therapeutic groups and counselors who offer sliding-fee scale services.

Please take good care of yourselves, everyone, during this holiday season, no matter whether it's your first or your 100th!

Apologizing as Inoculation Against Bullying Behavior

The Committee for Children's mission is to end bullying and child abuse by giving kids and families the tools to communicate non-violently. I had never thought about the role of apologizing in combatting bullying, but this blog post really made sense to me. When we apologize without making excuses or getting defensive, we are demonstrating how to take responsibility for the consequences of our actions. Because feelings do matter.

The Self-Care Challenge

Making time for self-care is difficult even under the best of circumstances, but throw a baby (or two or three) into the mix, and self-care is often the first thing to be thrown out with the proverbial bath water. With that in mind, Ann Dunnewold and Diane Sanford started this new blog to create a new and sustaining self-care regimen in just 21 days. In three weeks, parents can develop the habits of mind and body to care for themselves as well as they do their little ones.

To Use or Not to Use Antipsychotic Drugs on Children

My friend Ruthie is getting her PhD in couples and family therapy, which is great because (A): she is super smart and hard-working, and (B): she shares her readings with me, so I don't have to go to the trouble of hunting down the latest research myself!

So, this recent article she shared piqued my interest because many families struggle with the question of whether to medicate a young child who has violent outbursts.

I've seen it both ways. Some kids are really helped by medication, but ONLY IF they are properly diagnosed and treated. Others are mis-diagnosed and over-medicated. By the time they reach 13 or 14 years-old, they realize they've been mistreated and are really, really angry and distrustful of the health system and the adults around them. And either way, it still leaves open the question of what the long-term effects are of antipsychotics on young children. We just don't have the long-term case studies to know with certainty what the outcome will be.

Kyle's family's story illustrates that when family's like his are given counseling and other social supports, children's behavior changes. And at least with counseling, we know there are no long-term biological effects. Long-term social-emotional effects, yes indeed, but physiological harm: no way!