Resolve to Reach Resolution

So, you've made yet another new year's resolution:  to lose weight, to exercise more, to quit smoking, to spend less.  This time, you promise yourself, your sticking to it.  Really.

So where there's a will, there's a way, right?  Well, that's true, sort of, according to a recent article in the New York Times by John Tierney.  Turns out, we all have willpower, it just happens to be finite.  When there's willpower left in the tank, there's a way.

So, how does one keep from spending one's limited supply of willpower?  Avoid temptation.  Easy, right?

Let's say your resolution is to quit smoking.  All you have to do is avoid situations where cigarettes lurk.  In Seattle, the smoking ban in bars and restaurants is tremendously helpful.  But there's still the "smoker's corners" outside office buildings.  The ads for cigarettes at every gas station, convenience store, and grocery.  That's a lot of opportunity for temptation to set in.  Choose your daily route carefully.

So, what replenishes willpower?  Positive reinforcement.  What should you do with the money you saved by not buying a pack of cigarettes today?  Reward yourself with another pleasurable purchase:  a fun app for your phone, a favorite magazine, a warm drink, anything that says "reward!" to the pleasure center of your brain.  Longer-term rewards are good, too.  Curtailing a $6/day habit after a year could net you as much as $2000.  Cruise much, lately?

Accountability is another major factor in sticking to the resolution.  Share successes with a close confidante. Share failures, too.  Do a post-mortem on what's going well, and where you'd like to improve.  Saying it out loud to someone, writing it in a journal, keeping a blog, tweeting, putting post-it notes around your home or office (or both!), all of these activities will increase the "stickiness" of the changes you're making and will help hold you accountable to your plan.

There's enough willpower in your account to make the changes you'd like to see in your life.  Spend that willpower wisely, and when in doubt, phone a friend!

Your Imaginary Friend Plays Columbia City Farmer's Market (For Real!)

Living in the northern half of North America has its benefits as well as challenges. Here in Seattle, we enjoy a wealth of outdoor activities during spring and summer (many of which are free or cheaper than dirt) for all to enjoy. The farmer's markets provide a chance to connect with the people who produce the food we eat, visit with neighbors, and sometimes hear live music. This Wednesday's Columbia City Farmer's Market offers all of the above. Local children's band Your Imaginary Friend will be playing the market, located at Rainier Ave. and S. Edmunds Street, behind the Bank of America from 4:00 to 6:00 pm. Singer Jana Vitols has the most exquisite voice, sure to put those winter blahs behind us for good. Bring a blanket, a picnic, a friend (real and/or imaginary), and a pair of dancin' shoes because free outdoor fun is what makes the season great.

Coping With Financial Anxiety

The financial news these days is pretty bleak: The national average for a gallon of gasoline is roughly $4. The housing foreclosure crisis continues apace. And the U.S. dollar looks like spare change when compared with the pound, euro, or even the Canadian dollar! How the mighty have fallen, indeed.

Being surrounded by news of financial distress--not to mention the cold, hard facts of the prices at the pump and the supermarket--is bound to take a toll on one's feelings of financial security. Here's three ideas for helping quiet your financial anxiety.

1. Examine Your Budget. If you've never drawn up a budget before, start with that first. (It's easy to do if you limit your discretionary spending to credit cards.) Look where the money goes. Does the amount you spend raise your anxiety when compared with your income? Focus on the spending categories you can control. Some expenses may be difficult to reduce, like housing, groceries, or utilities, but others, such as entertainment, eating out, or clothing are easier to rein in. Put your savings into a "rainy day" fund or some such account that you can point to when financial anxiety will not stop nagging you.

2. Share Your Strength. You're a fantastic knitter, car repairer, cook, stitcher, gardener, dog walker, or caregiver. Why not barter your services in exchange for something a friend or acquaintance can do for you? (Personally, I would love to trade rhubarb for a pre-natal massage, but then, I gotta find someone who really loves the rhubarb. I've got a lot of rhubarb.) Bartering can help shave a bit off your expenses while allying you with someone else who's trying to make a go of it in this sluggish economy.

3. Talk to Someone. When financial anxiety will not keep quiet, it's helpful to talk to someone who can remind you of all your good financial practices and keep you focused on your budgetary goals. Talking to someone who shares your anti-financial anxiety stance can help keep your attention on the things you can control while letting go of the things you can't.

Coming Soon: Helping Children Cope in Tough Financial Times

Holiday Anxiety

With the holidays upon us, many of us will feel anxiety's pull more acutely than at other times of the year. Part of the reason for this phenomenon, I suppose, is due to just how different the holidays are than the rest of the year. This difference can be exciting. We eat differently, shop differently, visit different places, see different people. But all this difference can also leave us vulnerable to anxiety's arsenal of tricks. I've often observed with clients how a strong offense is the best defense against difficult transitions. One way to defend against anxiety is to maintain the regimen that keeps one feeling well. What I've noticed in folks affected by anxiety is this recurring theme of needing to strike a balance between personal and public time. This balance may look very different on an individual basis, but the need for balance is universal. Being taken out of our usual work/family/private life routine can be exciting, but aiming for a similar balance during the uniqueness of the holidays may be the strongest innoculation against anxiety.

Some questions to ask yourself may include: When I'm feeling at my best, what does the balance between alone and social time look like? During the holidays, do I expect that balance to shift? If the holidays tend to be a time of greater sociability for me, where are my opportunities for alone time? Are there some social engagements I could cut out if I start to feel too out of balance? If the holidays tend to be a time of greater solitude, where are my opportunities for greater sociability? How might I create opportunities for more public time if I begin to feel too out of balance? Is there someone who could check in with me about how I'm doing in my aim to balance personal and social time?

And with that, I wish you all happy and balanced holidays.

Baby's Got Brand-New T-Straps

All right, folks, look out because I'm about to indulge myself in a wholly unserious yet near-and-dear-to-my-heart topic of shoe shopping. Yes, I realize that this blog was started to address more serious topics of depression, anxiety, identity crises, parenting, and the like, but sometimes in life some situations cry out for a little retail therapy. Such as the situation I found myself in the other day when my darling daughter was walking around in sandals that fit her at the beginning on summer, but now her little toes are sticking out over the edge of her soles. (Good thing they're open-toed shoes, or I'd have nothing for her to wear). Fortunately, we were up in Ballard during side-walk sales where I discovered these adorable Umi t-straps on sale for $20 at Market Street Shoes. I was entertaining buying her a pair of See Kai Run shoes because a. they are super cute and well-made and b. the company was started by a local Seattle mom, but I couldn't resist buying these fantastically-priced t-straps from a great independent shoe store. So, here's to all the great independent, local, and mom-owned businesses out there who keep our feet well-appointed and our consciences clean.