Postpartum Support International Conference Comes to Seattle in 2011

Save the Date!
Postpartum Support International
25th Anniversary Conference
When: Sept 14-17, 2011
Where: Seattle, Washington
In the heart of downtown, at
www.seattleredlionfifthavenue.com
Stay Tuned for more details!
www.postpartum.net & www.ppmdsupport.com

The "We Decade" Dilemma

Fresh from her appearance on The Colbert Report, Stephanie Coontz proffered her well-researched opinion to the audience of anxious parents and parents-to-be at the Parent Map-sponsored Baby Map Event. Ms. Coontz said that she has found in her research that while parents are spending more time with their children, they do so at the expense of time spent with other adults or as a couple. This observation rang true to my ears, as I've grown accustomed to hearing from clients with children: "Are we normal? Does this experience happen to other people? I honestly have nothing to compare ourselves against!" The hard truth is, yes, these families are quite normal. And yes, the parents in these households are so cut off from other adults in similar situations that they can't possibly realize how common their situation is.

So, what to do? First, today's parents, congratulate yourselves on spending more time with your children than previous generations. Second, remind yourself that to be the best parent you can be, you need to be a fulfilled adult and partner. When reviewing your calendar, take note of how many fun and enriching events you have posted for your children when compared with those for you and for your relationship as a couple. Do the numbers skewed in the kid's favor? Then get some "me time" and "us time" on there, pronto!

Amy Tan Gets Creative on Ambiguity

I found this TED talk by Amy Tan to be funny and reflective--if at times unfocused. Though she doesn't make the connection out right, implicit in her lecture is the notion that our ability to tolerate ambiguity corelates with our capacity to feel compassion for others. If we are able to defer judgment about about events, beliefs, and cultural norms that shape our own lives and the lives of others, we're more likely to come away with a richer understanding of what is found there.

Teaching Empathy in Extra-Large Doses

Today, my 2 y.o. bit another child. I know "why" she did it: She has speech and hearing challenges. Another child was playing with a toy she wanted. She can't say: "I want that, too. Can I have a turn please?" But, you better believe the kid she bit dropped the toy like a hot potato. So, biting is effective for getting the toy--less so when one wants to make friends, which she really, really wants. So that's the "why" of it. But harder still is coming up with the "how" in helping her have empathy for other children when she is feeling flustered.

I've been doing a post-mortem of my responses to her biting of other children, and I was relieved to read this article by Dr. Meryl Lipton and find that I've done most of her recommended steps in helping her learn empathy. I haven't yet experimented with the drawing exercises, but I'm itching to try them out, despite having drawing skills not much better than my toddler daughter's. Perhaps she'll develop a little empathy for her artistically-challenged mother, too.

Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman: It's time to explode 4 taboos of parenting

I highly recommend this TED talk from the founders of babble.com who (with hilarious charts and graphs) deconstruct much of the "conventional wisdom" of new parenthood, miscarriage, and hanging in there as a couple. Funny, touching, and important. Please share with new or expecting parents.

The Importance of the Postpartum Partner (for Gwyneth Paltrow and Non-Celebs Alike)

While reading this interview with Gwyneth Paltrow in People I realized that there's an all-too-common misconception about Postpartum Mood Disorders: that a person must be crying all the time in order to be diagnosed. Not so! The symptoms are often subtler, yet no less serious. That sense of being "cut off" from one's emotions is a common symptom of PPMDs. And it's often one's partner who notices these sometimes subtle, internal shifts. Sometimes it takes an attuned partner (such as Chris Martin) to know when something sounds a little off in ourselves.

Solstice Self-Care

With the holidays approaching, the worsening financial crisis, the short winter days,and wars both current and percolating, it's easy for anxiety-or even just a case of the blahs--to set in. Here's some ideas for coping during the shortest and darkest days of the year:

1. Be honest with yourself about how you're feeling. No one need "fake it til ya make it" if it feels disingenuous. It's okay to not feel great. It's okay to tell others you don't feel great. It isn't a character flaw. It's being human.

2. Ask yourself: how much room do you want to give anxiety or the "blahs"? Can you ask anxiety or the blahs to leave you alone during a holiday party or a family get-together? Can you excuse yourself for part of the time to just feel the anxiety or the blahs, and then return to the action having allowed anxiety it's due? Can you make a pact with a friend or family member to check in with you to see how you're doing, and perhaps, you can do the same in turn?

3. Make a plan to care for yourself with balanced meals and time to exercise. And think: simple. Gentle stretching or a brisk walk around the neighborhood followed by soup and salad can feel so refreshing on a long winter's evening.