Amy Tan Gets Creative on Ambiguity

I found this TED talk by Amy Tan to be funny and reflective--if at times unfocused. Though she doesn't make the connection out right, implicit in her lecture is the notion that our ability to tolerate ambiguity corelates with our capacity to feel compassion for others. If we are able to defer judgment about about events, beliefs, and cultural norms that shape our own lives and the lives of others, we're more likely to come away with a richer understanding of what is found there.

Teaching Empathy in Extra-Large Doses

Today, my 2 y.o. bit another child. I know "why" she did it: She has speech and hearing challenges. Another child was playing with a toy she wanted. She can't say: "I want that, too. Can I have a turn please?" But, you better believe the kid she bit dropped the toy like a hot potato. So, biting is effective for getting the toy--less so when one wants to make friends, which she really, really wants. So that's the "why" of it. But harder still is coming up with the "how" in helping her have empathy for other children when she is feeling flustered.

I've been doing a post-mortem of my responses to her biting of other children, and I was relieved to read this article by Dr. Meryl Lipton and find that I've done most of her recommended steps in helping her learn empathy. I haven't yet experimented with the drawing exercises, but I'm itching to try them out, despite having drawing skills not much better than my toddler daughter's. Perhaps she'll develop a little empathy for her artistically-challenged mother, too.

Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman: It's time to explode 4 taboos of parenting

I highly recommend this TED talk from the founders of babble.com who (with hilarious charts and graphs) deconstruct much of the "conventional wisdom" of new parenthood, miscarriage, and hanging in there as a couple. Funny, touching, and important. Please share with new or expecting parents.

The Importance of the Postpartum Partner (for Gwyneth Paltrow and Non-Celebs Alike)

While reading this interview with Gwyneth Paltrow in People I realized that there's an all-too-common misconception about Postpartum Mood Disorders: that a person must be crying all the time in order to be diagnosed. Not so! The symptoms are often subtler, yet no less serious. That sense of being "cut off" from one's emotions is a common symptom of PPMDs. And it's often one's partner who notices these sometimes subtle, internal shifts. Sometimes it takes an attuned partner (such as Chris Martin) to know when something sounds a little off in ourselves.

Solstice Self-Care

With the holidays approaching, the worsening financial crisis, the short winter days,and wars both current and percolating, it's easy for anxiety-or even just a case of the blahs--to set in. Here's some ideas for coping during the shortest and darkest days of the year:

1. Be honest with yourself about how you're feeling. No one need "fake it til ya make it" if it feels disingenuous. It's okay to not feel great. It's okay to tell others you don't feel great. It isn't a character flaw. It's being human.

2. Ask yourself: how much room do you want to give anxiety or the "blahs"? Can you ask anxiety or the blahs to leave you alone during a holiday party or a family get-together? Can you excuse yourself for part of the time to just feel the anxiety or the blahs, and then return to the action having allowed anxiety it's due? Can you make a pact with a friend or family member to check in with you to see how you're doing, and perhaps, you can do the same in turn?

3. Make a plan to care for yourself with balanced meals and time to exercise. And think: simple. Gentle stretching or a brisk walk around the neighborhood followed by soup and salad can feel so refreshing on a long winter's evening.

Grateful for New Babies and People Who Help When Life Feels Harder than Necessary

So, I find myself at the confluence of some exciting events. Perhaps this experience rings true for you, too. First off, I've been witnessing a number of friends adding brand new babies to their lives. It's thrilling to see all the anticipation and support come to meet these new little people and the people who will care for them in the days, and weeks, and years to come. Welcome, welcome!

And second, now the holiday season is here where we Seattlites have already braved our first snow storm that snarled traffic for hours and brought commuter's to their wits' ends and even resulted in a few reports of fisticuffs.

Often, we don't realize that we've run out of coping muscle until we're face-to-face with our own unrecognizable selves. We do something or say something or think something that makes us wonder, "How did I get like this? This isn't me!"

Thankfully, help is available. Katherine Stone published on her Postpartum Progress blog a great list of resources for postpartum parents who need mental health care but may not be insured or may be underinsured.

Here in Seattle, the Seattle Crisis Directory publishes a great list of free or low-cost therapeutic groups and counselors who offer sliding-fee scale services.

Please take good care of yourselves, everyone, during this holiday season, no matter whether it's your first or your 100th!

Apologizing as Inoculation Against Bullying Behavior

The Committee for Children's mission is to end bullying and child abuse by giving kids and families the tools to communicate non-violently. I had never thought about the role of apologizing in combatting bullying, but this blog post really made sense to me. When we apologize without making excuses or getting defensive, we are demonstrating how to take responsibility for the consequences of our actions. Because feelings do matter.